4/20: Nine Years Later

Nine years ago today my world was rocked.

April 20th always seems to put me off-kilter because 4/20 was my 9/11. In so many ways, that is the best way for me to put it. People often classify modern society as ‘pre-’ and ‘post 9/11′ and how different the world is because of that tragedy - as they should because certainly a lot has changed. But for me personally, my life was different ‘pre-’ and ‘post 4/20′. My innocence was lost. It was the moment that the realities of the world struck me right in the face.

I will never forget sitting in my German class on April 20th a young high-school freshman. The morning started out rather gorgeous but by lunch the clouds started rolling in and there was an ominous gloom that afternoon. People from the Front Rage probably can picture what I am talking about as it happens frequently in Spring and Fall. But perhaps I describe the weather as that because of that day. In fact, when the weather changes like that, I am reminded. As the bell rang in my German class though, my friend Hector asked if anyone had heard about what happened at Columbine. He told us there was a shooting but at the time it seemed not that big of a deal. Of course we were curious but this was suburban Colorado, a mass murder didn’t really make much sense. As I left school though to go workout for hockey the scale of the event seemed to unfold as I listened to the radio. As I cycled on the stationary-bike, my eyes and ears were locked to the news. Columbine? Murder?

I’m not going to go into the more immediate personal impact. The friends that were killed, injured, affected. You know what happened. But I can’t help but think today what happened nine years ago and how my life is different. It was the day I learned what evil really was and that it did in fact exist. I learned that things like this can happen to people just like me. I learned what bravery could do and what cowardness can cause. I realized that the last statement of a young woman could plant a mustard-seed of faith within me that has dictated my life ever since.

I didn’t really intend to write a blog post on Columbine today (or ever) as it is something I haven’t shared too much. The whole complexities of the situation is also far too challenging for me to even put in words and something even nine years later I am still grappling with.  At the same time though, this blog is a little window into myself. A window I will mainly keep positive and professional but today I felt that it was ok to share a little side of myself. And so today I look at my life post-4/20 and think to myself oh how my life was forever changed because of it. In many ways I am actually thankful that the tragedy at Columbine broke me, woke me up, taught me fear and yet also gave me hope. But of course I am not thankful for Columbine and wishes that it could have been something else other than a tragedy to teach me these things. It was a nightmare all too real. I also think of the young lives that were destroyed and their families who lost so much…..

And here is where this post ends. I cannot sufficiently put into words a cap to this story. Simply put: today I remember.