Life In a Studio

Lately I’ve been hearing about a lot of bands and friends recording (including one of my old bands I mentioned before, Fiancé) and it has reminded me that man, I really miss playing. I miss the excitement of shows. I miss the creation of something new. I miss the rush of recording because you just can’t wait to get it done and show people. I miss the camaraderie that you have with bandmates which on a dime can soar or crash! There’s no other relationship like that within a band. But it is all part of a process that when it works, it’s just awesome. I wish everybody could experience being in a band at least just once. It is certainly a learning experience and you’ll never forget it. I’ve come across a cool blog though of a band that I have really enjoyed over the years and admire quite a bit, Sleeping at Last. They’ve had quite a ride and our currently working on their next release which they are actively blogging about. They really give insight into the process and you get the sense of what a really talented but smaller band goes through to get it done. I hope they begin to soar again real soon and can’t wait to catch ‘em when they hit the road again soon.

Personal Blog?

When I started this blog, the initial question I asked myself as well as asked by others was: why? To be honest, I didn’t quite know. I thought I had a story to share, maybe some insights, and quite a bit of experience I’d say for my age. I wasn’t much of a writer though. And as you can see, with posts quite a bit spaced a part, I think that’s pretty evident. But that doesn’t mean every once in awhile I don’t mind dropping a line on something happening or my thoughts on an event, thing… whatever. And so that is what this blog, my blog, is all about: kind of a bit of everything.

Yes, I do work in an exciting space (one that is home to blogging) and that is social media but since I spend most of my time discussing it I haven’t felt quite like talking about it after-hours. Well, at least writing about it! Besides, there’s enough writing on it anyways. Maybe someday though as I get more entrenched in this world and feel more comfortable writing about applicable uses of it (that is again, what I pretty much do for work) I’ll change that. I didn’t want to make that the focus though on the offset. I think I need to build a bit more cred before I label myself an expert on a blog unlike so many who get a job with a title, start blogging and are “experts”. I’m surrounded by real experts and most don’t blog that actively and if they are, it’s actually not necessarily about social media. So, though I may drop a line about it here and then it still is not to be the focus.

Luckily, I do have a bunch of cool friends doing cool things or sharing cool things and I love to share that with others and that certainly has been a big part of my blogging. Sharing is what I believe is at the heart of social media anyways and I guess if there is a theme you’d have to pick it would be that. Friends are the best source of inspiration anyways, right!? Alright, maybe second best… I can think of one more that is better.

The reason I’m talking about this now is because of the unique reception I’ve received when I decided to share a personal story about myself. It wasn’t entirely negative and even what could have been construed as negative was probably more in jest. It did get me thinking about why I use social tools like blogging and twitter and facebook. I’ve used it as a platform for advice before but this time being personal it was a bit different. Again, some positive. I got a lot of good feedback from friends but I could sense that it raised some eyebrows (“Why is this guy talking about this? He usually talks about… other stuff”). So, I am going to explain myself. I’ve already hinted that I’m not afraid of advice from these tools, I do it all the time. The real reason I decided to use this platform around my personal story was its reach. I wanted to explain myself. Many around could sense I wasn’t the “regular” Neil. And I wasn’t. I decided to share my story on why. I left quite a bit out due to wanting to leave out specific people and such, but the jist was there. And guess what? It worked.

This blog is about anything and everything around/about me. Here I will talk about cool stuff going on around me and with me and maybe every so often some not so much cool stuff. Again, this is a place for me to share and sometimes that comes in the form of venting. Therefore, thank you guys for all the feedback in the past and even recent. Thanks for understanding where I’m at, especially the many of you who reached out to me. We all have similar stories anyways, right? Each one unique though but perspective still helps.

By the way, if you want an update on the personal stuff… it’s over. Your boy got shot down and shot down hard. It sucks. It hurt a hell of a lot more than I ever thought it would. I can take that though. I’m on the receiving end of something I’ve done many a times to others. But it was a sweet wakeup call! It reminded me on where I am at now. Each year seems to be different on how I approach and think of things and for the start of 2009 I learned quickly that I am in a different place. We’ll see where it takes me now. I’ll probably keep you posted right here! Let’s hope to some good things.

Isn’t life interesting?

It has been a very bizarre and strange few weeks for me. I have at times conquered and enjoyed these interesting obstacles but I have also been hit with moments of confusion, unrest, anxiousness, uneasiness and often just simply felt lost.

Oh by the way, this is going to be a personal post.

To start on a good note, I finally replaced the ol’ rubasu (’94 Subaru Legacy). After months of searching and dealing with car dealers, through the fortunate help of family, I was able to find a gem in an ’03 Audi Allroad. Couldn’t be more excited. It’s an awesome car and a relief to drive a car now with few worries. With almost 300,000 miles the Subaru just became a constant worry and a source of stress. But it did its job well for so long! There were some struggles near the end but it got me through college and so, in a weird way, I owe a lot to its service. When I initially got it with just about 140,000 miles the car amazed me with its abilities. It was only ‘til around 210k that I knew it had to go. Still, I kept it thinking it would just die then I would get a new one but it never did. The time just came when it will not pass emissions without investing into it and I made the decision to instead invest in a newer car. However, even with the new beauty, there is a bit of an emotional attachment to a car; especially one that carried you over years that included a lot of change. It was around during most of my college years, it was the scene of a few broken relationships, it also provided the means to one of the best road trips I’ve ever had and it played the role of a van in lieu of an actual one for my bands on many occasions. It was just always around. Both good and bad memories surround it and as I part ways with her I can’t help but ponder back on them. So, with joy and excitement, I look forward to the years I’ll have with the allroad knowing it will be an adventure but with much contemplation I now part with the ol’ soob. You’ve been a friend.

It’s fun buying a new (to me) car but the realization of losing the old one was just the beginning of a trend that has filled these last weeks with a lot of introspection.

Over the last few years I became a bit callous to the thought of a serious relationship. I haven’t been too good at ‘em in the past and life has just been too busy anyways for it to come around – this was probably due to me avoiding it than anything else. That’s not to say I haven’t been interested though. I’ve been interested in one’s where there was always something in the way, down the road, that could likely allow the serious stage to hold off for awhile. What I mean is that the only people I’ve been interested in dating were one’s, say, where there was usually an extended trip coming up or plans to possibly move away. I know this sounds bad. It sounds as if I was really only attracted to a short term relationship. But really, it was just an avoidance of jumping too deep into something. I was interested in starting slow and these kinds of opportunities forced that without me really having to say it upfront.

With these kinds of relationship opportunities rare, I just haven’t spent much time thinking about dating. If it happens, it happens mentality persisted. In other words, it would somehow have to magically occur without me putting any effort whatsoever into it. It would just have to happen. This changed recently. That attitude died and I found myself actually wanting someone. Not just anyone, someone very much in particular. Someone around which so many dynamics would have to be dealt with for it to even start, occur, and happen. In the past, this would have caused me to go running. There is really nothing at all good about this situation. It is complex. It is heavy with baggage. Yet, I haven’t run away this time. I’m standing still. I’m open and willing that just to be with her I’d deal with all of this. But in this game of two, I’m finding myself the only willing partner. And with my heart exposed I am finding it difficult to tuck it back away.

This is the source of my uneasiness, anxiousness, unrest and confusion. Uneasy with the thought that I am actually finding myself desiring something in a way that I don’t yet understand. Anxious that though I’m wasting my time most likely and would better serve myself walking away, I hold onto this little bit of hope – that I could be wasting a good thing if I simply walked away. As these ponderings have controlled my thoughts they have also become the source of great unrest. I could sleep easily knowing we’re starting something together or I could sleep easier knowing that there is nothing and I should just move on. Instead, I am left in the middle. There is something there that neither of us deny but the aforementioned issues are in the way. I’m left wanting, not-knowing and unable to sleep.

What a joke, right? I’m a twenty four year old man bent on a crush and acting like a teenager. This has me almost hating myself for it. Hating the fact that I’m in this position. Hating that I allowed myself to get here. How did I let the callous rub off and once again become soft? And why am I struggling with it? Struggling with just moving on?

This morning in an effort to free my mind I submitted to doing some chores, one of which was cleaning out the old Subaru before getting rid of it. A car I’ve had for so long certainly collects a few items over time. However, having been owned by an ex-girlfriend before you did might make it even more interesting. In my case it certainly did. Just like the Death Cab song, it happened from the glove box. In all the years of driving this car I only put things in the glove box, not out. As I cleaned through it there it was: her. She came back more real than ever. In the form of her first driving license. In a picture with high school friends. In a picture with college roommates. In pictures of her celebrating her senior year of college. In her book on Ghandi. In her book on love lost. In her tapes. (Yes. Tapes.) And then… in a picture of me and her. I’ve often thought back on this relationship as it is the source of what not to do. It’s become my lesson. I’ve learned from it, I’ve learned what went wrong. I’ve also learned that frankly, it scares me. Being with someone, responsible in some ways for someone. Scared of my loss of independence. That relationship more than anything taught me to be a man by reminding me I was still a boy. And first act as man: not get too serious while being so young!

Staring at these picture though, I also saw the person I am today by being reminded of the person I was. I was soft then. Hardened by that failure. And now, finding myself come full circle and soft again. I’ve learned… again. I’ve learned I’m ready. Ready to invest in a relationship, to invest in someone. Does that mean this relationship? I hope; at least give it a go. But more so, I know that now I am ready not to just hold a relationship but to go after it now. My mentality before was built to protect me but with my heart already exposed for the first time in so long – I now feel open.

This leaves me where I’m at now: lost. Lost in this fresh idea of who I am and what I am after. Lost in the thought of this relationship that nags me as well as any one that may come. Lost because I am not hiding but openly nervous. I’ve been hurt, hurt others and now I am bringing on the possibilities of both to occur again. No more hiding.

My Personal Twitter Network

I know I am a little late posting on this but Pete Warden, a new Boulderite, made waves a few weeks back when he created a map of some of the top Twitterers in Boulder. You can check it out and who’s connecting to who on Twitter at bouldertwits.com. But another neat thing he did was allow each of them to see their personal network map including my very own. Now, it is limited to those who are among the ‘Top 101 Boulder Tech Twits” but I see this being available to everyone soon though I’m not sure if Pete will be behind it. But it’s cool to see a personal social-network map and how active we are using these networks to actually network. For instance, even though I have 149 followers and am following 175 people, according to my map I am only connecting with 26 other people on Twitter. So, though I do question some accuracy and definitely know I have connected with far more than 26 of those I’m connected with on Twitter, it still points out that I could be using these tools more. It would be cool to see this map integrated with other social-media platforms… I know, I know… that’s going remain largely a wish!

(I also know, my image is broken… not sure why)

Yes, I know…

I’ve always hated coming across people’s blogs and seing them dormant. It’s almost sad. As if they left the conversation. You’re just left with questions such as: why?

Alright, it’s not that sad but I am always curious. But now I have found myself making the same mistake. Yes, I know it has been a long time since I’ve posted here. What are my excuses? Well, I wouldn’t neccesarily say they are excuses… I have reasons. The last two months have been quite busy! I’ve recently moved to Denver (but fortuantely still work in Boulder)! No, the commute isn’t all that bad. In fact, it has become the only time I get to read and I have already gone through 5 books. Also, work has become more busy than ever. I believe we are making great strides at Collective Intellect even in the current economy and it will be very interesting to see what 2009 brings. I say, bring it on! So, those are my only two real reasons but I feel they are quite good but not good enough. Therefore, I am not going to call it a resolution, one of my goals in 2009 is to put forth more time and effort into this blog. It deserves it. Believe it or not, it actually gets a number of hits (even though I haven’t posted in so long). So I must be somewhat interesting. Also, since a goal in 2009 is to entrench myself further into the wonderful community that is Boulder this blog has and will continue to be a catalyst of being a part of that much larger conversation!

Help!

I’ve been in a number of bands and I know firsthand what a pain in the ass it is to record. The biggest problem with recording: financing it. And for me you could also add patience. But seriously, financing a record is not easy. Doesn’t matter how active of a band you are, unless you have any sort of label support, there’s not much cash-flow coming in playing shows even if with good crowd support. Labels aren’t easy to deal with either. Small ones especially have just as big of a list, if not bigger, of downsides as the majors do. Fortunately though, with the recording technology that’s out there, bands are taking these projects onto themselves and doing just fine!

One such band taking on this task by themselves right now is an immeasurable-talented band from Denver, CO: Fiance. Now, I will admit I’m a bit biased. It was just a few short years ago that lead singer Patrick McGuire and I were sitting in his mom’s cramped arts & crafts studio creating the sound that would become Fiance. In the beginning there was quite a range of sounds coming out too! But it started to come together. A drummer (me) and a pianist/guitarist/singer/songwriter (pat). Besides drums the only thing else I brought to the table was plenty of experience and a good ear. Unfortunately, school and my other band and plenty of other stuff at the time got in the way and we parted ways on not-so good terms. But with an excellent guitarist and bassist in the mix just as I left I still knew and had faith that these guys would make some magic and many drummers would kill to play a role alongside ‘em.

So after two great releases, Girl From the Ivory Coast and Please, Ambitious, Please, they are gearing up for their third. Unfortunately, they do need a little bit of help. Check out their plea here. I strongly recommend checking them out and helping ‘em out if you can! They are one of Denver’s best and that’s no short list as the city has been gaining a lot of attention for producing some excellent acts. I highly recommend listening to the tracks Alaska and Pretty Model’s Hands. Also, feel free to share your thoughts on how you feel about ‘em!

Damn Politics!

This Presidential campaign has really struck a painful chord within me. It has caused me to want to a curl up into a ball and escape the mess that it has become. It has caused me to step away, become silent, and at the same time become more aware of politics than any other event in my life. Why is this self-revelation shocking to me? Because few things excite me more than politics! I spent five years of my life studying it, enjoying every second of that study, yet when the single biggest political moment of my young life occurs: I’ve responded by wanting to run away.

Why has this occurred? What has pushed me so off of politics?

Well, I will admit first that the last 7 years have created this intense political situation. That doesn’t mean I place blame on any single person. I believe in fact that it is a mix of a number of events where responsibilities lie on both parties. I could go on, and maybe I should, but that is a whole different argument. There is one thing I want to admit here though and that is that the last seven years have also been unlike any in our history. Never have our leaders been confronted with so many obstacles as well as so many different avenues to respond to those obstacles. Again, that is for another discussion but it is something that I’m afraid most haven’t considered. In our loss of reason and rationale in favor of blaming, yelling, and emotions we have failed to confront problems with solutions. Both our leaders and our citizens. In fact, it has reached a point that I feel maybe we are losing our sense of creating solutions. As a country, complacency seems to have become the standard. Examples of this is an entire political party who in the face of a President they disagree with they failed to push and even come up with alternatives. In the end, they bucked and were forced to follow the President like a punished dog. Now, with a constituency demanding solutions you would think that this party would lose its following and those constituents would rise up for leaders who would offer solutions. Did that occur? No. They followed their party leaders in the blame game, rallied together by a created-hatred and roused by emotion and stood behind leaders who failed to lead. On the side of the aisle, they allowed an Administration to get away with too much. They followed the decisions of cabinet heads far too long, when it was clear they were failing, and they didn’t stand up to demand a change of course. Party politics was the name of this game. One party led, often at fault, and the other was weak and failed to even lead. This is an admission of my country that makes me sick to my stomach, literally, and politics is what brought this revelation to me.

Now, I can’t say that our politicians are what have caused me to want to shun politics. If that was the case I never would have gotten interested in politics in the first place! Politicians are just that: politicians. That’s not to say there are not honest public servants among them but politics is known to bring out the worse in many and it will continue to do so. That also doesn’t mean we sit back and accept that fact though, it just means as a public we are responsible for holding them accountable. Something we have failed to do.

So why am I so turned off now? Well, besides the few revelations I’ve already shared, I have also realized how divided as a nation we are. This has come to hurt me the most. The division I am referring to is not divided by political party membership, no; it goes much deeper than that. The line of division is along the spectrum of needs affecting so many Americans right now and the ignorance of those needs by so many others. Now, I know this is nothing new. We are a country with a landscape so varying that individual’s needs will always be different and in many ways it’s this difference that makes us so great and strong as a nation. What is scaring me about this division though and the politics of the day is the ignorance of these needs. This ignorance is found in our decision making. I have come to the realization that policy is what makes me love politics not politics that makes me like politics. And yet this election process has been so blind to policy that emotions and baseless reasoning has become the voice (and votes) of the day. Never in conversations with those around me has policy been a part of the reasoning behind their choice. Never has what is currently facing our nation and its people been part of the conversation surrounding this election. When I bring it into play, a joke overrides it. Too many of the voters I know don’t really even now the policies of their own candidate. Now, that doesn’t mean I want to place blame on my friends. I know this is politics, I know that this is the name of the game. This is just what happens. But right now we have too much on the line with this election. This election has made me think long and hard, more than ever, about the family from a small town in the middle of America whose son is on his third tour of Iraq. Who is going to be the best Commander in Chief for him? For the mother of two in Illinois who worked her way through college, brought a better life to her family, yet is struggling paying for her mortgage. Or what about Joe the plumber who is considered a part of the highest tax bracket yet is trying to pay for a business and his employees. Who is going to be the best economic leader for them? Who is going to be more than a voice and a leader? Policy and follow through is what makes a leader, not words. Are we judging our leaders on that though? What are we even basing our decisions upon? How are we going to hold them accountable? It’s these questions that most of us don’t seem to be answering. This has also made me worry that perhaps we’re not thinking about each other. Are we being blind to the real people that are the faces of the problems here in America as well as around the glode? These problems and their solutions do not seem to be a part of the conversation and it needs to be. Playing on Barack Obama’s name and Sarah Palin jokes aren’t adding to the conversation, they are defeating it. But we’re playing along. We’re not asking the questions. We don’t seem to be looking for solutions. I hear about hope and change but besides a new name plate in the Oval Office, what exactly is that hope and change being spoken of so often? I hear about being a maverick but what does that look like if you get in the White House? How are you still going to work across party lines when you’re in the Executive office?

Who wants to be a part of this dialogue? ‘Cause I’m sick of the politics. I want to hear answers and questions. Whether they come from the candidates or more importantly from the people who are going to make that decision.

Another (un)Selfish Plug!

Since early this week I pushed my friend Eli’s trailer for his recent short film I feel it necessary to share another friend’s recent piece. I’ve shared the stage a number of times with Kamtin Mohager and now he has his own solo act: The Chain Gang of 1974. He’s also recently polished a nice video that all-in-all translates perfectly the music to sights. So here it is, enjoy!

Welcome to New York Fashion Week! NO cell phones, cameras or BLOGGING!

In New York City this last week, one of the biggest shows in a city where shows aren’t lacking is going on. It’s a week full of fashion and yes…fabulousness. It’s a convention for the couture. It is New York Fashion Week (Sept. 5 – 12). Now, if you know me you know I love fashion. Like I always say, if I could I would wear a tie every single day and I enjoy being overdressed. I will admit first though that I have started to tone down in that area. Maybe because my interests and passions have turned to work which will hopefully enable me to once again partake in the pricey world I only dream of right now. I will also admit that one of my favorite shows is Project Runway (I still think Jillian Lewis should have won season 4 – I want her to make me a coat). Anyways, yes one of my many sides leans out and wishes I was a designer but I’m not. I can still dream though and watch what other terrifically talented people are doing and one of my goals in life is to partake in fashion week and for a few days feel like I belong. However, I better find a way to sneak in and according to a recent article in The New York Observer I better not be a blogger!

Now, let me say when I first came across this and read it I was not at all shocked. I mean, I didn’t think it was as bad as it was; I thought at least a few popular fashion bloggers had broke the mold and gotten in. But when I think of the NYC fashion scene I imagine an elite, snobby, social scene where only the New York insiders have a key of which is obtained by either pedigree or, at the very least, a fierce place in the Hamptons. A place where groundbreaking, cutting-edge or innovation certainly does not flourish. Where change is painfully drawn-out then accepted. I still have to wonder though that in this day and edge where the blogosphere has become almost the front-line for real-time news, why has Bryant Park failed to be open to it? Kelly Cutrone, the b#$%h (sorry) behind People’s Revolution sums it up best:

“I don’t want to sound completely outdated because I’m in fashion and we’re not the quickest as far as technology goes. But at this point in time, the blogging world is the Wild West. It’s a new media, and we’re all the rats in the laboratory in what this is going to mean. … Once something has been said, it’s like taking a nail and putting it in a piece of wood. You can take the nail out, but the hole is still there. Once it’s up on the Internet, you can’t get it off; it’s just there forever.”

On Ms. Cutrone’s take, first, as I previously noted, yes the fashion world is notoriously behind to the outside and technology often equals change. One aspect of this that I’ve complained about for some time is the lack of use of the internet by designers. They fail to have updated websites, they fail to promote their designs to the world via the largest market medium favoring instead the same small, elite group that sit next to the runways during fashion week hoping for a possible mention in a 200+ page magazine that reaches a fraction of those looking in. And perhaps my biggest complaint is THEY DON’T SELL ONLINE!! I have yet to figure truly why not (though bluefly.com is taking advantage and making headway). I’m hoping soon an elite designer will open up a full online store of their product. If one has let me know ‘cause I have yet to find it. I also want to somewhat agree that the “blogging world is the Wild West”. It is in the sense that it’s growing, continuing to be explored and developed, and it’s open to everybody. But it is not, as her intention seems to point out, a place of just lawlessness where cowboys and outlaws rule the information flow. True, there are extremists and it is home to a vast and diverse bunch with all sorts of aim. In fact, I have been critical before of the blogosphere’s take on politics in that we sometimes fail to take it as commentary, most often plagued with bias and instead take it as news and fact. There is a responsibility to be a bit more critical of the information within this open media. However, that is also what makes it great. It is a real-time flow of conversation. Whether it is politics, sports or even fashion.

What Ms. Cutrone fails to answer though is why exactly the fear? She hints at it by referring to “rats” in a “laboratory”; that in a carefully constructed world they don’t need outsider breakin’ in and exposing often for what it truly is. But my take on it is simple: they fear criticism from the “normal people”. We’ve seen this before. Politics was already filled with critique from elite writers in the major papers, it didn’t need the average joe’s (voters) pining in. Today though, they are on the front lines, raising (and sometimes answering) the tough questions, and they are keeping politicians on their toes 24/7. It’s that exact same action that scares the fashionistas though. Fashion is art, what makes us qualified to critique it? I’m going to answer that though. You see, unlike the art that hang on walls and rely often on interpretation and an understanding between the artist and the viewer to be appreciated and scorned by everyone else…fashion is like another form open to critique: music. Fashion, like music, is regularly consumed and as such it’s open to consumer reaction. Sure, not every (or even most) of the designers showing at Bryant Park are readily consumable to the average shopper but the trends that derive from it are. Why shouldn’t we then have a voice and thus a say on what in some form or another we will be wearing next spring/summer?

It does appear that things are beginning to change though. Ms. Fredrickson of Coutorture.com (from the Observer):

“…this year has been the best yet” for access —besides Ms. Cutrone’s, that is. “I think a blogger is so much more likely to get more coverage about a designer than, like, an assistant accessories editor from Marie Claire who might feature a shoe of theirs on like page 132”

Yes! Hopefully after some pain and suffering and time the fashion world will realize that there is actually benefit and opportunity in opening up dialogue and participating in conversation and pushing advancements. It’s begun in other ways. Project Runway is a good example. It has found and elevated talented designers that may have fallen through the cracks. It brought exposure to Bryant Park and instilled the desire in others to pursue design. No doubt we will hear in 5 or 10 years that Project Runway is the reason why a designer started to design clothes. But there are still barriers and the New York Observer piece does a good job looking into and exposing those barriers so definitely check it out. In the meantime, I’ll be waiting and watching from the outside looking for the day when conversation becomes an aspect of design. I believe only social media can make that happen.